Be a First Responder, Not a First Reactor: Mastering Effective Confrontation in Live Events

If you've worked in live events long enough, you know the truth: nothing ever goes exactly according to plan.

The truck arrives three hours late. Your lead technician calls in sick. Critical equipment breaks during setup. Despite meticulous planning, spreadsheets, and run-of-show documents, something always goes sideways. In my entire career, I've yet to experience a single event that unfolded exactly as we'd mapped it out on paper.

Has anyone? Or is the "perfect event" just another mythical creature—right up there with unicorns and leprechauns?

These inevitable hiccups create pressure cookers of tension and frustration. Tempers flare. Voices rise. Stakes are high, expectations are higher, and suddenly you're in the middle of a confrontation.

But here's the question worth asking: Can confrontation actually be a good thing?

The Upside of Conflict

Believe it or not, confrontation—when handled effectively—can lead to:

  • Personal growth: You learn about your triggers, your communication style, and your capacity for patience

  • Leadership development: Managing difficult conversations is a cornerstone of strong leadership

  • Skill building: The more you practice effective confrontation, the better you become at it

The keyword here is effective. There's a world of difference between a productive conversation and a shouting match on the loading dock.

What Does Effective Confrontation Actually Look Like?

First, because we're human, we all make mistakes. Perfection doesn't exist in live events (or anywhere else, for that matter). When we mess up, it can erode the trust and confidence of clients, audiences, and colleagues. An apology is our genuine attempt to take responsibility and begin rebuilding that trust.

Second, because it's a learning opportunity, every mistake carries a lesson. What can we learn? How can we improve? An apology opens the door to that reflection.

The FBI Method: A Framework for Difficult Conversations

One powerful approach comes from Simon Sinek's take on the FBI method (no, not that FBI). It's a simple three-part structure:

  1. Feeling: State specifically how you feel

  2. Behavior: Identify the specific behavior that caused that feeling

  3. Impact: Explain the consequences if the behavior continues

Here's what this sounds like in practice:

"When you show up late for load-in, I feel like I can't rely on you. My concern is that if you continually show up late, I'll start to lose trust and confidence in your ability to contribute to the show beyond just showing up on time."

The Critical Part

Before you deliver your FBI statement, take time to think it through. Write it down if you need to. Craft your words carefully. Then, once you've said your piece, here's the hardest part: stop talking.

Let silence do its work. Give the other person space to process and respond.

Preventing Confrontation Before It Escalates

Of course, the best confrontation is often the one you don't have to have. Here are strategies to defuse tension before it boils over:

Be Proactive

Anticipate potential problems before they become full-blown conflicts. Regular check-ins, clear communication, and contingency planning go a long way.

Practice the 4-7-8 Breathing Technique

When you feel your temperature rising, use this simple exercise:

  • Breathe in for 4 counts

  • Hold for 7 counts

  • Exhale for 8 counts

This isn't just a calming trick—it's physiologically vital. Deep breathing ensures your brain gets enough oxygen to think clearly under stress, helping you respond thoughtfully instead of reactively.

Control Your Emotions

Here's where our opening line comes back: Be a first responder, not a first reactor.

When something goes wrong, pause. Assess. Then act with intention rather than impulse. First reactors let their emotions take the wheel. First responders stay calm, evaluate the situation, and respond strategically.

Find Common Ground

Even in heated disagreements, there's usually something you can both agree on—maybe it's the shared goal of pulling off a successful event, or mutual respect for the work you're doing. Starting from common ground makes resolution far more achievable.

The Bottom Line

Disagreements are inevitable. Confrontation is human. We're all going to butt heads occasionally, especially under the high-pressure conditions of live events.

But if we can shift our approach—preparing ourselves mentally, using frameworks like the FBI method, and prioritizing understanding over ego—we can transform potentially explosive moments into opportunities for growth and stronger working relationships.

So the next time the truck is late, the gear is broken, or tensions are mounting, take a breath. Be a first responder. And have the effective confrontation that moves everyone forward, rather than the explosive reaction that tears everything apart.

Because at the end of the day, we're all in this together—and it takes a team for a successful event.

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